As reported in Yahoo News, the wannabe-Kardashian twins running Hazelnut Café owners of the Ocean County café thought it was perfectly reasonable to demand a mom’s credit card after their wobbly Anthropologie console — masquerading as a dining table — took a dive when Kathy Denman’s 3-year-old came into contact with it.
Let’s pause to appreciate that these entrepreneurs decided a $1,600 piece of decorative furniture would make an excellent café table. What’s next, using Ming vases as coffee mugs?
While little Allie stood frozen in shock and her 76-year-old grandmother dissolved into tears, the owners repeatedly barked “You break it, you buy it!” into the phone like deranged parrots. According to Denman, not once did they ask if the toddler was okay.
Only Saint Michael the Barista showed any human emotion, becoming what the mom called her “point of contact” in the sea of mean-girl energy. Meanwhile, the owners held the family hostage for 20 minutes, demanding credit card information while bits of their $1,600 disaster lay scattered like their dignity.
The sisters’ PR statement reads like it was composed by ChatGPT having a stroke: “We also want to be completely transparent: we would never hold anyone against their will. The mother was not charged for the damaged table, even after asking how she could make it right given the table broke. We requested her contact information for insurance purposes,” they said.
At least this saga had a happy ending — the café removed all their potentially child-crushing tables. Finally, the standing-room-only coffee shop of our dystopian dreams.
Previously:
• This woman broke into a monkey exhibit at the zoo, sat in their pool, and fed them Hot Cheetos
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