In just three days, Apple will hold a press event to announce its latest round of new products. We’ve seen the artwork, we’ve read the tagline (“Awe Dropping”), and we can be pretty sure the iPhone 17 will make an appearance. But everything else is shrouded in mystery.

Until now. Yes, that’s right. Once again, Macworld sent a team of hard-bitten journalists to rummage through the bins at Apple Park, and once again, they hit pay dirt: the full presentation script, storyboards, rehearsal tapes, props, costumes, one of those old-timey movie clapperboards, and several half-eaten sandwiches. We’ve eaten the sandwiches and used the rest to painstakingly construct a minute-by-minute simulation of the iPhone 17 launch event, which you can enjoy below.

Just to be 100 percent clear, this isn’t real. Our “script” is based on detailed analysis of credible leaks and rumors, with a few (hopefully obvious) jokes mixed in. Please don’t send in any more angry emails.

Introductory guff

09:58 a.m.: We’re live! The pre-stream is up and running. If you’re thinking the music sounds familiar, it’s “Platitude Queen” by Onion Terror. Which of course was used earlier this year in the opening credits of Apple TV+’s gritty remake of “Keeping Up Appearances.” What a triumphant performance that was from Margot Robbie.

10:00: The stream proper begins. Cut to a darkened city street. A young woman is jogging from streetlight to streetlight, glancing periodically at the workout stats on her Apple Watch Ultra. (Is that a bigger watch, or a small actress?) “You can do this!” the watch says, surprisingly. “Just one mile to go. Vitals steady. Plenty of energy left. You’re on track to beat your personal best!”

10:02: A middle-aged man on a graffitied subway train taps his AirPods. “Adjusting audio,” it says. “Blocking out the annoying guy next to you.” Now he’s in a restaurant. “Translating from Cantonese,” the headphones report, and he begins to order.

10:04: An elderly woman takes out her iPhone–which is in a case, so it’s hard to get a clear view of the design–and summons Siri. “Has there ever been a boy born who can swim faster than a shark?” she asks. “Still no,” Siri replies wearily.

10:06: And now the camera is flying through the clouds above Apple Park. It swoops down, and there, standing in front of the familiar rainbow sculpture, is Apple CEO Tim Cook. “Good morning!” he says. “We’ve got a fantastic show for you today.”

10:07: “Apple products make the world a better place,” Cook trills. “They play a vital role at work and in our free time. They help us to improve our health and stay in touch with loved ones. They put the world’s knowledge at our fingertips. And they deliver sustainable shareholder value by hitting high-margin KPIs going forward.”

10:09: Today’s event is going to focus on three areas, Cook says: iPhone, Apple Watch, and AirPods. “To talk us through the exciting changes coming to iPhone, it’s over to Kaiann.”

iPhone 17

10.10: Kaiann Drance, Apple’s VP of iPhone product marketing, has got the big gig once again, after presenting the iPhone 16 last year. She’s standing next to a colossal iPhone box and looks alarmingly enthusiastic.

10:11: “Thanks Tim, great to be here,” she says. “I’m super-excited to talk about iPhone! After last year’s thrilling iPhone 16 launch we sat down and asked ourselves one question: what’s the absolute minimum we could change and still have people upgrade their phones, thereby maintaining a sustainable long-term revenue stream?”

10:12: “And today I’m proud to reveal the answer to that question! Please welcome iPhone 17: Another Year Has Passed.”

10:13: Time for a marketing video! And we’re seeing the new iPhone in all its glory. Which largely fits with the leaked images we’ve been bombarded with for the past three months: there’s a handsome new purple finish (here we go again; Apple tried purple on the iPhone 12 and 14, then gave up on the color for a while), the blue model is much paler, and pink has vanished altogether (boo!). But the essence of the design appears the same: the two rear camera lenses, for example, remain in the same vertical alignment as on the iPhone 16.

10:14: “iPhone 17 is our best ever iPhone,” Drance says smugly. “We took everything you loved about iPhone 16 and made it fractionally better. Our brand-new A19 processor delivers market-leading performance on even the most demanding apps, while an upgraded 24MP front-facing camera ensures the sharpest selfies you’ve ever seen.”

10:16: “And as for the screen… goodness me, what a transformation! For the first time ever on a non-Pro iPhone, we’re offering an always-on display, but that’s not all. All of this month’s new iPhones have LTPO screens with a stunning 120Hz rate and our popular ProMotion feature, so you can look forward to buttery-smooth animation while maintaining our usual exceptional battery life.”

10:18: Pre-orders for the iPhone 17 are open now, and it will ship on September 19. Prices start at $799 for the 128GB model, which is the same as the entry-level iPhone 16 last year. Evidently Apple managed to shrug off the effects of the tariffs, at least for now. That’s good news.

10:19: “That’s iPhone 17. We think you’re going to love it.”

iPhone 17 Pro (and 17 Pro Max)

10.20: Drance is sticking around, and we’re heading straight into the iPhone 17 Pro. No mention so far of the rumored iPhone 17 Air, but it’s a bit of a giveaway that the iPhone 17 was only shown in a single screen size. Presumably the Air will be announced later?

10:21: “Apple’s Pro series of iPhones are the industry standard for premium smartphone design,” Drance says. “In fact, they make even our standard iPhones look like disgusting trash. Needless to say, talking about the pathetic iPhone 17 just now was a real ordeal for me. So I’m excited to announce iPhone 17 Pro.”

10:23: We’re seeing the new handsets now. Most obviously, the rear camera module has been heavily redesigned: it’s now a broad bar that covers almost the full width of the phone’s back surface. (The camera lenses themselves, conversely, look the same.) And here too we’re seeing new color options, with the Pro models available in a startling new orange and a far more somber dark blue as well as the usual black, white, and gray. And… is that a smaller Dynamic Island?

10:25: We’re talking performance. Is the 17 Pro getting a bump from 8GB to 12GB of RAM, as rumoured? Apple tends to be cagey about such things. “iPhone 17 Pro is so powerful you’ll literally faint when you see it,” says Drance, unhelpfully. “The A19 Pro chip is faster than a peregrine falcon, which is the fastest animal on earth.”

10:26: “Many people think it’s the cheetah,” she adds. “But it’s not.”

10:27: Camera performance should see a significant improvement. Aside from getting the same 24MP selfie camera as the iPhone 17, the 17 Pro’s telephoto lens has been bumped to a whopping 48MP, up from the 12MP lens on the 16 Pro. That means superior zoom performance, Drance says the Pro models now have a 7x optical zoom before the digital version kicks in.

10:29: Here’s an interesting change: the iPhone 17 Pro gets a mechanical aperture, which means you can customize the amount of light allowed through. “This means an unprecedented level of control over the depth of field,” Drance boasts. We don’t know how this will work in practice, but on the Huawei Mate 50 Pro, you can choose from 10 steps between f/1.4 and f/4.0 or, as most of us will inevitably do, just leave the camera in auto mode.

10:31: “The iPhone 17 Pro has an industry-leading battery and will last you for a scarcely conceivable single day of usage before needing a charge. And charging is now faster than ever, thanks to a huge upgrade to MagSafe.” It’s been bumped from a maximum 25W to 50W, although this will depend on having a compatible charging puck (and power adapter) as well as the iPhone 17 Pro. You may just find a bottleneck in a different part of your charging setup.

10:33: We’re rattling through the iPhone 17 Pro’s other upgrades now. The screen has a new anti-glare finish (ahead of the event, we heard this was also going to be scratch-resistant, but perhaps Apple wants to avoid any references to its phones getting damaged). And there’s a new Apple-designed Wi-Fi/Bluetooth chip, which Drance says will improve power efficiency.

10:35: “That’s iPhone 17 Pro: Anything Else Is Repulsive. We think you’re going to love it.” It comes out on September 19 and starts at… oh wow, it’s $1,199 for the cheapest 17 Pro, a crazy $200 bump on last year’s model! Granted, you get twice as much storage (the 128GB model has been phased out), but still. The 17 Pro Max starts at $1,299, which is $100 more than the equivalent 16 Pro Max last year. This is a lot to take in.

New Apple Watches

10:36: Tim Cook is back. “Thanks Kaiann! We’re excited for you all to try out the new iPhone 17 range, which we expect to deliver profitable synergy in key market verticals and boost our customer retention analytics. Now on to Apple Watch, and for the last time, it’s over to Jeff.”

10:37: Wow, it’s Jeff Williams! Williams stepped down as Apple COO at the end of July, but he remains with the company until his retirement later this year. Clearly Cook persuaded him to do one last keynote before heading out the door. The man seems emotional: he’s taken off his shoes and one of his socks.

10:38: “Thanks Tim,” he says, visibly moved. “You know, customers come up to me, big customers, tall customers, tears running down their customer faces, and they say, Jeff, the Apple Watch Series 10 is the greatest smartwatch in the world! How can you possibly top that?! And I say, we’re looking into that very strongly.”

10:39: “So today, we’re proud to announce Apple Watch Series 11.”

10:40: Video time! And the new watch looks… exactly the same as the Series 10 from last year. No new colors: it looks to again be available in black, silver, and rose gold, plus the dark and light titanium finishes. Still, you know. It looks nice. It’s fine.

10:42: “Apple Watch is the most popular health device in the world,” says Williams. “It saves lives every day, and helps our customers to improve their fitness. And from today, those health benefits will become even more essential.”

10:44: The Series 11 has a new sensor that enables blood-pressure tracking, which could be pretty crucial in unlocking a range of new health features–not least the ability to detect hypertension and thereby predict strokes and heart attacks more accurately.

10:46: The new Apple Watch also gets a new S11 processor, inevitably, although the actual benefits of that are unclear. (Ever found your Apple Watch slow? Didn’t think so. Plus, pre-launch reports indicated that the S11 is essentially just a rebadged S10.) Whereas its upgrade to 5G connectivity is a nice surprise.

10:48: Oh, we’re done. “That’s Apple Watch Series 11. We think you’re going to love it.” It starts at $399 and will appear in stores starting September 19.

10:50: We’ve suddenly cut to yet another marketing video. Based on the colors—blue, yellow, pink—and general vibe, it’s surely a new SE model.

10:52: “We’re proud to announce Apple Watch SE 3,” says Cook. “You know, for kids.”

10:53: The SE has been completely redesigned. It’s made of plastic, and comes in a variety of bright colors. The display is bigger (up from 40/44mm to 41/45mm) to match the old Series 7 rather than the Series 5 which the last SE was based on. It also gets the S11 chip.

10:55: The new Apple Watch SE starts at $249. That’s the same price as the previous model, with the extra cost of the larger screen and the economies of using plastic presumably cancelling each other out.

10:57: We’re on to the Ultra now. And there’s a slight redesign here: namely, a larger screen. “Customers told us they loved the big, bright display on Apple Watch Ultra, but wondered if it could be even bigger? So we’re proud to announce that this year’s Ultra has 5 percent more screen real estate!”

10:59: The official line is that the screen size has increased from 49mm to 50mm. We understand that the resolution has gone up from 410×502 to 422×514, which is indeed 5.39 percent more pixels. And Williams insists the watch itself is no larger, thanks presumably to slimmer bezels around the screen.

11:00: The Ultra 3, unsurprisingly, also gets the same upgrades as the Series 11: the S11 chip, 5G, and the new blood-pressure monitor.

11:01: And we’re wrapping up for this section. “That’s Apple Watch Ultra 3,” says Williams. “We think you’re going to love it.” It starts at $799 and will appear in stores on September 19. It’s nice that the watches have escaped the price bump that hit the Pro iPhones.

AirPods Pro 3

11:03: We’re back to Tim Cook, who wipes a tear and does that namaste thing he’s so fond of. “Thanks Jeff, and enjoy retirement!” he says. “And now, on to AirPods.”

11:04: “AirPods stand for all that is great about Apple,” he says. “They are beautifully designed, supremely functional, and capable of sustaining high-margin profitability across key demos in challenging market conditions. For more AirPods news, it’s over to Kate.”

11:06: “Thanks Tim!” says Kate Bergeron, Apple’s VP of hardware engineering. (She announced new AirPods at the Glowtime event last year.) “Let’s talk AirPods Pro.”

11:07: It’s video time, and we’re watching the new AirPods Pro swooping and floating around an abstract landscape. First things first, Apple hasn’t removed the stems to match the Beats Studio Buds, as was rumored for some time. It’s not a radical redesign, then. But there are some other noticeable changes: the buds now seem more streamlined, the charging case is a different shape, and they’re available in black!

11:10: “We know that the convenient, slimline charging case is one of the things you love most about AirPods Pro,” Bergeron says, not unreasonably. “So we decided to make it even better.” Confirmation that the new case is slimmer, much like the AirPods 4 case, and is paired by simply tapping the case rather than having a dedicated pairing button. And there’s no lanyard loop! Sad.

11.12: On to the earbuds themselves, which are getting a ton of new features. (This is what happens when you don’t properly update a product for three years.) It has a new H3 chip. There are heart-rate and temperature sensors. And, as rumored, it supports live translation!

11.14: “AirPods Pro deliver industry-leading audio quality,” Bergeron says, “and that’s truer than ever with the new third-generation model. You’ll feel like you’re in the room with your favorite artists thanks to the exceptional immersion of Spatial Audio.”

11.15: Active Noise Cancellation has been upgraded, too. “It will filter out all the background noises you want to avoid,” Bergeron says, “but with the latest version of Adaptive Audio, you can be as selective as you like.”

11.16: “That’s AirPods Pro 3. We think you’re going to love it.” Looks like this section (and perhaps the presentation?) is finished. The device starts at $249 and ships on September 19. Oh, but hang on: Bergeron just added that the live translation feature will arrive “later in the, or a, year.” It must have been delayed.

One more thing…

11:18: Cook is back. “Thanks Kate, and thanks to all of our presenters tonight,” he says. “We’re excited for you to experience all these great products and boost our Q1 top-line revenue performance in line with analyst expectations. And in the end, isn’t that what technology is all about?”

11.19: “But before we go, there’s just One More Thing I’d like to discuss…”

11.20: Video time. Ah, this must be the iPhone 17 Air at last. And what a beauty it is. It’s just breathtakingly slim. People are going to love this thing (although they may not love the compromises it comes with).

11:22: The 17 Air is wildly different from the other models in the range. Aside from being just 5.5mm thick, it has only one camera lens on the rear (inside an oddly broad module) and another on the front. Those are decent cameras, mind you: 24MP on the front, and 48MP on the rear.

11:24: It also has its own set of colors: the standard black and white, plus a light blue that, for some reason, is lighter than the one on the iPhone 17, and a light gold that doesn’t appear anywhere else in the current range.

11:26: No word on the battery capacity, but it must be far, far less than on the other models. Cook only says the Air will last “for a full day.” That’s not very reassuring.

11:27: If you’re worried about a repeat of Bendgate, it’s at least clear that Apple has taken that threat seriously. The Air has a titanium-aluminum alloy metal frame for added strength. (Plus, the even more slender iPad Pro which launched last year doesn’t seem prone to bending, so there’s that.)

11:29: “iPhone 17 Air delivers industry-leading performance in an unprecedentedly slimline package,” Cook boasts. What that means, apparently, is the A19 processor rather than the A19 Pro (and reportedly a slower GPU, although Apple won’t confirm that at this point).

11:31: “This is iPhone 17 Air: Oh God Why?,” says Cook. “We think you’re going to love it.” It starts at $1,099. Oof! That’s a lot for a phone that really isn’t Pro-specced. Although it does get 256GB of storage as a minimum.

11:32: And that really is your lot. Cook thanks the presenters once again, then does a celebratory backflip. Stay classy, Cupertino!

Apple’s Awe Dropping event is set for September 9, 2025. Want to know what to expect? We’re anticipating new hardware releases including the iPhone 17 (running iOS 26), Apple Watch Series 11, Ultra 3 and SE 3rd-gen (running watchOS 26), and potentially new AirPods. Find out how, when, and where to watch the Apple September Event, and keep tuned to our Event Guide for all the latest coverage.

Apple fans will doubtless be aware that WWDC 2025 is almost upon us. On Monday morning (or evening, if you’re tuning in from Europe) various execs will take to a virtual stage and talk us through the big software updates coming to Apple products in 2025 and 2026. It’s the second biggest date in the company’s calendar, after the fall iPhone launch.

But who wants to wait until Monday to hear all the announcements? Not us, and not you. Fortunately, one of our editors just happened to be scavenging for food in the Apple Park trash yesterday and came across a pile of scripts, props, and rehearsal tapes–more than enough evidence for us to piece together a full reconstruction of the keynote presentation you can expect to see on June 9. We present this reconstruction below.

Editor’s note: This is a fake article (albeit one based on real sources and plausible rumors). It’s supposed to be light-hearted. Please don’t send us any more angry emails.

The cheesy intro

09:57 a.m. PT: The pre-stream begins! As usual, there’s a hip, toe-tapping soundtrack. The opening number is “Trust Me I’m A Stomach” by Onion Terror. A classic.

10:00: We’re up and running! And we seem to be in the midst of an episode of “Murderbot,” the slightly thin sci-fi comedy which launched last month on Apple TV+. After landing on a hostile planet, the titular cyborg removes its helmet and… hold on, that’s not Alexander Skarsgård, it’s Apple Senior Vice President of Software Engineering Craig Federighi!

10:05: Federbot shakes out his magnificent silver mane and flashes that million-dollar smile. “I overrode my programming! I have free will!” he chuckles, before turning and shooting Phil Schiller through the face with a laser gun. Cut to…

10:07: …Tim Cook, Apple’s safe-pair-of-hands CEO, standing on the bridge of an unconvincing cardboard spaceship and wearing a captain’s hat. He looks utterly stricken. “That wasn’t in the script,” he says, weeping.

10:08: Cook pulls himself together with difficulty. “We’ve sure got a… great show for you this morning,” he sniffles. “Our software teams have really been… killing it, just like a… wisecracking psychopathic robot. Here at Apple we’re making the world a better place by innovating simplicity through data deliverables.”

10:10: We’re going to be hearing about five major Apple platforms today, Cook says. That’s an interesting number: between the iPhone, iPad, Mac, Apple Watch, Apple TV and Vision Pro, something is getting left out. Or maybe Apple is combining the iPad and Mac earlier than expected!

visionOS 26

10:12: It looks like we’re starting with Vision Pro! Mike Rockwell strides into frame to tell us about this year’s changes to visionOS. His legs, one arm, and half of his face have been replaced by sophisticated cybernetics.

10:13: Vision Pro is simply the industry standard, Rockwell says. Apple has redefined VR at the hardware level. And now it’s time to redefine VR software. (Maybe the company could have done that a couple of years ago, when Vision Pro came out? Just a thought.)

10:15: We’re seeing a marketing video, in which attractive actors put on unwieldy headsets and sit in rooms together. They’re laughing at TV shows, gasping at sports events, and playing games using actual controllers. Ooh, that last one is a big and welcome change.

10:17: Rockwell is back. “You weak pathetic humans all enjoyed visionOS, and visionOS 2,” he says. “So now it’s time for…” The virtual banner behind him suddenly flashes up the message “visionOS 26.” The rumors were true! Apple is switching to year-based versioning.

10:18: “We remembered how Microsoft skipped a version number when it released Windows 10, and this is a really big upgrade, so we decided to skip a few more. Welcome to visionOS 26! Joke complete. Running laugh.exe.”

10:20: As we saw in the video, visionOS 26 adds support for PlayStation VR controllers–that was on Jason Cross’s wishlist a couple months back, so he’ll be pleased.

10:22: Rockwell announces a new feature in visionOS called SharedVision. This will enable two people to watch the same piece of spatial video at the same time, sharing a virtual movie theater: you’ll look across and see them in the seat or on the grass next to you, even if you’re watching from different continents. That’s a lovely idea that tackles the essentially isolating nature of Vision Pro.

10:25: A visibly grieving Tim Cook is back to talk about video. “Vision Pro is the best way to consume content and synergise innovation going forward,” he sobs. “So we’re excited to announce a regular schedule of spatial content created exclusively for Vision Pro! We think you’re going to love it.”

10:27: Apple TV+ will feature a new dedicated spatial section for Vision Pro content, and Apple is committing to release a new addition once a week: this could be a movie, a nature documentary, a sports highlight package, or an episode of a TV show. The schedule will begin with a special spatial episode of “Murderbot” in which SecUnit ponders existential questions and you can look around the cabin and stuff.

iOS 26

10:29: The ‘camera’ swooshes away from Cook, which suggests the Vision Pro section is done. We’re now looking at… yes, it’s an enormous iPhone screen. It must be time for iOS.

10:31: The Siri activation graphics appear, and we hear the voice assistant’s familiar voice. “Welcome to WWDC 2026,” it says. “I’m Siri. There was a problem connecting to the server.”

10:32: Craig Federighi is back, and he’s got an ominous look in his eyes. “Almost 14 years ago,” he growls, “Siri changed the world. But some people weren’t happy. Some people say Siri is bad. Some say it’s an embarrassment. Some say it’s a disaster. What do we say to these people, Siri?”

10:34: “Sorry, something went wrong,” Siri replies. “Please try again later.”

10:35: “Here at Apple,” Federighi continues, “we believe in honesty, in accountability, in holding ourselves to the highest possible standards. And when we make a mistake, we hold our hands up and blame John Giannandrea. Get out here, John!”

10:36: Apple’s Senior Vice President, Machine Learning and AI Strategy, shuffles into view. He’s wearing a dunce cap and a worried expression. “Sorry, Craig,” he says.

10:37: “Don’t apologise to me. Apologise to all the Apple fans you’ve let down.”

10:38: “Sorry, everyone.”

10:39: “And when can fans expect to get the contextually aware Siri you promised in adverts for the iPhone 16?”

10:40: “I’m not sure, Craig. You gave my job to Mike Rockwell, and I don’t like talking to him. He’s more machine now than man: twisted and evil. January, maybe?”

10:41: “Thanks John! Now get out of here before I blast you with lasers.” He turns back to the camera and flashes another smile. “This year, iOS 26 is coming to the iPhone, and we think you’re going to love it.”

10:42: We’re seeing an ad for the new software, and as expected, there’s a redesigned interface. The app icons aren’t circular, exactly, but they’re more rounded than previous iOSes. And there are far more glass and transparency effects. It all looks heavily inspired by visionOS, without being a direct lift: there’s a unified aesthetic across the platforms rather than a unified interface.

10:43: Federighi is now talking about a new battery-saving mode for the iPhone which is, he says, “powered by Apple Intelligence.” Forget Genmoji, this could actually be a useful application for AI. It will analyse usage patterns to selectively lower power draw where it will cause the least inconvenience.

10:45: And there’s a new app! It’s called Games. This appears to bring together elements of Game Center, Apple Arcade, and the games section of the App Store. You can view leaderboards, socialise with other players, read editorial content and curated lists related to gaming picks, and browse your games library both in- and outside Arcade. Apple has never got gaming quite right, so this is an interesting move.

10:46: Federighi is zipping through other apps: Messages with polls; Safari with new customization options; Notes with Markdown support; CarPlay with the new iOS 26 UI; and App Library tweaks.

10:47: iOS 26 is available as a developer beta starting today, and will run on the iPhone 11 and up. The iPhones XR, XS, XS Max, and SE (2020) have all dropped off the list.

macOS 26

10:48: That seems to be it for the iPhone, because a new banner has appeared. It says “macOS 26.” This is your time, Mac fans!

10:49: Federighi is doing his usual bit about the name of the new operating system. (Unlike the other platforms, the Mac gets a software update with a public name as well as a number.) He sent a team out into the California wilderness to seek inspiration, he says, showing slides of the usual funny place names: Seal Beach, Big Bear Lake, Hercules, Shafter, Vista…

10:50: But nope. As expected, it’s macOS Tahoe!

10:51: Like iOS, macOS has received an interface redesign. Vision Pro-style icons and transparency effects are the order of the day. This would all suit a touchscreen Mac, you know. Just saying.

10:52: And the Games app is available on Mac too. Nice bit of cross-platform synergy there.

10:53: Oh, this is huge! The Dynamic Island is coming to the Mac. Whether your Mac has a notch or not, you’ll be able to have macOS display a small lozenge at the centre of your screen’s top edge with alerts, timers, Now Playing info and more. Props there to my colleague Roman, who had this on his wishlist earlier this month.

10:55: Federighi is showing off apps in the Dynamic Island. It’s odd how little we’re hearing about Apple Intelligence this year. Maybe Apple learned its lesson from those premature promises in 2024.

10:56: That’s your lot. macOS Lake Tahoe launches today as a developer beta and will run on all M-chip Macs. Intel owners are out of luck, I’m afraid.

watchOS 26

10:57: Craig seems to be taking a break now, because David Clark, Apple’s Senior Director, watchOS Engineering, has bungee-jumped into the set to talk about the Apple Watch.

10:58: “Wooo!” he says. “If you live life on the edge like me, watchOS 26 is for you. We’re bringing gnarly new features to an Apple Watch near you! We think you’re going to love it.”

10:59: “Tubular!” he adds.

11:00: watchOS is getting a range of new workouts, including chess boxing, cheese rolling, and Quidditch. And your training schedules will become optimised by AI-powered analysis of your health and performance metrics.

11:02: Talking of AI, here’s a big one: Apple Intelligence is coming to the watch! The big computational tasks will be handled by a nearby iPhone, but for simple queries this could be a game-changer.

11:04: There’s also a new Murderbot-themed watch face. Cute!

11:05: The first developer beta is out now, and the software will run on the Apple Watch Series 6 and later–that’s the same set of devices that could run watchOS 11 last year. Good news, Series 6 owners.

iPadOS 26

11:06: David Clark is off, kite-surfing on top of an F1 racing car, so that’s it for the Apple Watch. Craig is back, and he means business.

11:07: The iPad is the best tablet in the world, he says. And this year, thanks to iPadOS 26, it’s going to become even better. “We think you’re going to love it.”

11:08: This might not take long; Craig is rattling through the updates. iPadOS 26 includes the same glossy, glassy aesthetic as iOS 26, and the new Games app. Will it get the battery-saving mode too?

11:09: Apparently not. Nor does it have any Mac-inspired features. But it will support Arabic calligraphy. The first developer beta is out now, and iPadOS 26 will run on the iPad Pro (2018) and later, the iPad Air (3rd gen) and later, the iPad mini (5th gen) and later, and the iPad (8th gen) and later.

AirPods live translation

11:10: Another change of personnel as Ron Huang, VP Sensing and Connectivity, hits the virtual stage. Last year he talked us through software changes affecting AirPods and the home. What have you got for us this year, Ron?

11:11: We’re guessing this doesn’t count as one of the major platforms, because otherwise we’d have to conclude that Tim Cook cannot count.

11:12: Oh, this is big. AirPods are getting live translation. If someone speaks to you in Spanish, the AirPods will send the audio to your iPhone, where it will be translated to English and sent back to your ears.

11:14: Granted, this is old news–rival products such as the Google Buds have offered it for years–but it’s never quite delivered on the promise. It will be interesting to see how Apple gets on with this concept.

11:15: No word yet on which AirPods will support the feature, but Huang does say the iPhone will need to be running iOS 26.

One more thing!

11:16: It looks like we might be wrapping up. Tim Cook is back out, summing up today’s announcements.

11:17: Apple’s products are designed with three principles in mind, he says: simplicity, usefulness, and leveraging actionable synergy through data verticals. Today’s software updates were all created to further those goals. Whether you’re on iPhone, iPad, Mac, Apple Watch, or Vision Pro, you should get a consistent and intuitive experience.

11:18: But wait–there’s more. It’s time for One More Thing! Ahead of the show, pundits couldn’t agree on whether we could expect any new hardware. This is when we find out.

11:20: We’re watching yet another marketing video, all moody curves and hard close-ups. It’s hard to see what we’re looking at, but I think… yes, it’s a Mac. It’s a new Mac Pro! We’re getting hardware after all!

11:22: The updated Mac Pro for 2025 comes, of course, with the latest M4 chipset. (The Mac Pro Apple was selling for $6,999 as recently as last week came, rather shockingly, with an M2 processor.) Until now the most powerful chip in the family was the M4 Max in the MacBook Pro and Mac Studio, but there’s a new sheriff in town: the M4 Ultra. Apple says the M4 Ultra is 75 times as fast at general processing and 120 times as fast at graphical tasks. Wow!

11:24: Ah, wait. It turns out Apple was comparing the M4 Ultra with the Intel Core i9.

11:25: There isn’t a new design. Or any obvious changes to the chassis other than the new chip.

11:26: Cook is introducing another presenter to talk about the new machines. I don’t recognise him, but the caption says his name is Dan Trump. Possibly someone from John Ternus’s hardware engineering department?

11:27: “It’s all computer,” says Trump.

11:28: “Yes,” Cook replies. “And we think you’re going to love Mac Pro M4 Ultra.”

11:29: “Thank you, Tim Apple. We all love computer, don’t we? You know, Steve Jobs was a big fan of mine. He came up to me, big man, strong man, tears running down his face and onto his Issey Miyake turtleneck. ‘Sir,’ he said, ‘Sir, we need cyber.’ So we’re looking, very strongly, at bringing back cyber. Thank you for your attention to this matter.”

11:34: Cook looks confused for a moment, but soon recovers. “That’s right,” he says, “We’re building Mac Pro right here in the U.S.! Apple is committed to bringing more of its manufacturing than ever before back to this great nation.”

11:35: Mr Trump is ushered off the virtual stage while Tim Cook thanks all the people who made today possible. And we’re done for another year. See you in the fall!

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Traditional U.S. assets are going haywire as U.S.-China trade tensions continue to rattle global markets, now coupled with fresh data of tumbling sentiment towards the U.S. economy and mounting inflation concerns.

The most recent University of Michigan survey, published on Friday, found that consumer sentiment fell to 50.8 from 57.0, nearing the most depressed level in three years and far below that seen during the 2020 Covid shutdowns. Year-ahead inflation expectations surged to 6.7%, up from 5% in the prior month and the highest read since 1981.

On the back of the data, investors resumed selling long-term U.S. government bonds and the greenbacks, two assets traditionally considered as safe havens. The 10-year Treasury yield soared above 4.55% during U.S. morning hours, up more than 50 basis points in just a week. Meanwhile the dollar index (DXY) sank below 100 to a three-year low. Gold, meanwhile, hit a fresh record of $3,240 per ounce.

After a wildly volatile past few sessions, U.S. stocks were trading in a far tighter range on both sides of unchanged on Friday. At press time, the Nasdaq was higher by 0.6%

Meanwhile, cryptocurrency markets were moving higher, with bitcoin (BTC) holding just above $82,000, gaining 4% over the past 24 hours. The broad-market CoinDesk 20 Index was up 3%, with altcoin majors Solana’s SOL, Avalanche’s AVAX leading with 6% gains.

Signal or noise?

While some macroeconomic analysts are fearful that the recent surge in government bond yields is threatening the future outlook of the U.S. economy, others believe investors are reading too much into short-term market swings.

“U.S. dollars and U.S. government debt, two of the market’s most liquid safe haven categories, are going haywire,” Noelle Achison, analyst and author of the Crypto is Macro Now newsletter, said in a Friday note. “This is not the case for other safe havens, however, just those directly tied to the U.S.”

“I believe that it is much more likely that recent sharp moves in these asset classes is due to highly leveraged market participants being forced out of positions than due to fundamentals,” said billionaire investor Bill Ackmann in a post on X.

“Technical factors are driving the dramatic market moves,” Ackman continued. “As a result, markets have become increasingly unreliable as short-term indicators of the impact of policy changes.”