New York’s wealthiest parasites are freaking our that their money can’t always buy elections.

As reported in The New York Times, Manhattan’s premiere collection of real estate vampires gathered for an emergency pearl-clutching session at the Seagram Building’s Pool Room for an emergency planning meeting on how to ensure disgraced-governor-turned-desperate-candidate Andrew Cuomo wins the mayoral race over Zohran Mamdani, who is currently crushing Cuomo in the polls.

Developer billionaire Jeff Blau sent out a fear-soaked email blast dripping with flop sweat: “Sorry for the late notice, but there is no more time for delay, discussion, or dithering — we must act decisively to ensure that the next mayor of New York is Andrew Cuomo. The only viable candidate with the experience, support and gravitas to defeat Zohran Mamdani is Governor Andrew Cuomo. We cannot afford hesitation,” the email read. “Every one of us must get involved immediately. We cannot afford hesitation. Every one of us must get involved immediately. The time to act is now. If we fail to mobilize, the financial capital of the world risks being handed over to a socialist this November. We cannot — and will not — let that happen,” warned the email.

The Times reports that “In addition to the Blaus, the invitation was signed by, among others, a co-owner of the Seagram Building, Aby Rosen; the billionaire philanthropist Laurie M. Tisch; and the hedge fund billionaire Gregg Hymowitz.”

Meanwhile, current Mayor Eric Adams is polling at a robust 9% while allegedly shopping for a Saudi ambassadorship.

Previously:
• Mamdani more popular with NYC conservatives than Cuomo and Adams
• Video celebrates Mamdani’s historic win and claps back at racial microaggressions
• Mamdani overwhelms Cuomo in NYC primary
• Mamdani won more votes in round 1 than Cuomo received in every round

The New York Times recently disgraced itself obsessing over Zohran Mamdani having checked “Asian” and “Black or African American” boxes on a failed college application when he was a 17-year-old Ugandan immigrant. Worse, it got the data from hacked personal records provided to it by a far-right activist, and rushed out its story because it didn’t want to be scooped by a different far-right activist. Moreover, it misled readers about its source, claiming he was an “academic” opposed to “affirmative action”—but he was soon identified as a vulgar Twitter racist whose own family reports to be a college dropout. None other than former Times Public Editor Margaret Sullivan raked the paper for its williness to ally with a far-right crusade, but as is often the case, humor is the best answer. Check out The Mamdani Times, which generates headlines for follow-up stories in the Times‘ distinctively clenched style.

Eric Adams Questions Mamdani’s Commitment to Serving Interests of Turkey
Zohran Mamdani Says He Flosses Every Day. But Does He?
In Mamdani, Some Democrats Recoil at Sight of Popularity

That third one there really gets to the heart of the matter! Mamdani is popular (and made shockingly fast work of Andrew Cuomo in the Dem primary) but a left-wing muslim becoming mayor of New York is unacceptable to the Times. If anything, Democratic party brass have merely distanced themselves from Mandani while they vet him, and will likely warm to his candidacy should his campaign remain sure-footed. It’s really mainstream media elites who can’t stand him to the point of throwing their lot in with right-wingers.

America’s political journalists poke around all day on Twitter, drowning in its anti-woke algorithmic preferences and outright Nazi gibberish. They’re at the center of a venn diagram of Audience Capture, “You Are Not Immune To Propaganda” and the ludic loops of process addiction. “Race science” is on their minds (and your screens) largely because of it, so it’s no wonder what is feeding their reportage and who they now see as journalistic peers.

Previously: New York Times Torture Euphemism Generator

Zohran Mamdani, the 33-year-old Democratic Socialist from Queens, surged to a convincing win over former governor Andrew Cuomo in New York City’s Democratic primary election. 44% of Democrats chose Mamdani as their first pick in the ranked-choice vote, enough to make victory all but certain. Cuomo, who conceded early and called Mamdani to congratulate him, won 36% of first-pick votes. City financial officer Brad Lander trailed at 11%, with Adrienne Adams on 4%.

Cuomo has suggested he may run as an independent in November’s mayoral election irrespective of whether Democrats nominated him. But the unexpected margin of Mamdani’s victory suggests a more united party than political pundits hoped for.

The former governor’s loss marks the “biggest upset in modern NYC history,” Trip Yang, a political strategist, told the BBC.

“A massive win for Zohran Mamdani that shows that when Donald Trump is President, New York Democrats want to see their leaders fight with enthusiasm and courage, and that’s what Zohran showed voters.”

Cuomo resigned from the governorship in disgrace after admitting inappropriate conduct with multiple staffers, but was nonetheless the “establishment favorite,” as the BBC put it. His cruise to a comeback nomination was capsized by Mamdani’s energetic and approachable campaign, which eventually cut into Cuomo’s early polling lead. The gap had evaporated by the last week of the race and now appears to have been something of a mirage.

Mamdani’s platform includes free public buses, universal childcare, freezing rent in subsidised units, and city-run grocery stores – all paid for by new taxes on the rich. “This is a city where one in four of its people are living in poverty, a city where 500,000 kids go to sleep hungry every night,” he told the BBC at a recent event.

“And ultimately, it’s a city that is in danger of losing that which it makes it so special.”